Why do so few choose adoption?

2% of women who experience an unplanned pregnancy place their baby for adoption. Considering the staggering number of unplanned pregnancies each year, that’s quite a small percentage, and the question is—why? Why do so many women who experience an unplanned pregnancy overlook adoption as an option?

While adoption isn’t right for every unplanned pregnancy, it’s often not even considered as an option. At Baker Victory Services Adoption, our goal is to help change the way many people think about adoption.

A long, long time ago, adoption wasn’t something that was openly discussed in most households—especially in the homes of adoptees and birth mothers. Feelings and questions were seldom discussed, and birth parents and adoptees alike often never knew what became of one another.

The good news is adoption has come a long way. Today, 80% of all adoptions are open. An open adoption allows the birth parents and adoptive family to establish a mutually agreeable relationship. Each party can decide how much contact they’d like to have—from seeing one another often, to exchanging letters or photos annually.

Open adoption has proven to be the most beneficial option for everyone involved. For the adoptive child, it answers questions like, “Who am I, who do I look like?” and, “Why did my birth mother decide to place me?” For the adoptive family, it helps knowing the child’s family medical history, and to learn more about their child’s birth mother. For the birth mother, it’s comforting to be a part of her child’s life, knowing that her child is being well taken care of.

If you know deep down you’re not ready or able to parent, just remember—open adoption doesn’t mean saying goodbye forever. It means you’re saying, “I love you,” “I want the best for you,” and “I’ll still be part of your life.”

Does learning that open adoption is an option change your perception about adoption? Why or why not? We’d love to hear from you in the comments.


Pregnancy Perk – Itching

ImageHave you noticed your belly, palms, hands and feet have become especially itchy during pregnancy? Because of changing hormones, excessive itchiness is not uncommon for some women during pregnancy. Here are a few things you can do to reduce this discomfort:

1. Use a mild, gentle cleanser on your skin

2. Use a rich moisturizing cream

3. Dont shower or bathe with water that is too hot

4. Avoid fabrics that might cause you to itch

Celebrating the holidays post placement

ImageDecember has swiftly arrived, and that means the holidays are right around the corner. To most, the holidays mean decorating the home, searching for the perfect gift, endless amounts of baking and time with family and friends. People genuinely seem jollier and more relaxed this time of year. However, for birth parents, emotionally, this can be one of the more difficult times of the year.

No matter what time of year, birth parents often think of the children they placed. It’s not unusual for times to get especially difficult around the holidays. The nagging “what if” question often comes to mind: “What if my child were here to celebrate with me?”

Below are just a few things you can do to cope during the holidays. If you have other suggestions, we encourage you to post them in the comments, as your suggestions might be beneficial to others.

  1. Write a letter or card to you child. Depending on the type of adoption plan you have, it may be possible for you to send a holiday letter or card to your child or his or her adoptive parents. If this isn’t possible, write a letter or in a journal, even if you don’t send it.
  2. Remember why you made your adoption plan. Recall the reasons you made your adoption plan at the time of placement. Even if you’re at a different stage in your life now then you were at the time of placement, there were and still are good reasons why you chose to make an adoption plan. Remember those reasons, knowing you wanted what’s best for your child.
  3. Surround yourself with your family, friends and loved ones. Confide in the people who have been your support system all along. Whether it’s to share memories, laugh, or have a shoulder to cry on—letting these people know how you feel can help you heal.

Just remember, you’re never alone. You can call or text us anytime, day or night at (716) 799-3333. We wish you a happy and blessed holiday.

Birth mothers addressing stereotypes

Adoption is often accompanied by stereotypes, especially when it comes to birth mothers. Birth mothers are often stigmatized as lazy, irresponsible, and reckless—and the list goes on. These hurtful stereotypes are far from the truth, and that’s why we were excited to stumble upon a new project started by two birth mothers, Hayley Kirkpatrick from Adoption: Share the Love and Ashley Mitchell, founder of Blessings In A Basket (BIB).

Hayley and Ashley are working to educate the community about birth mothers through a video chat series called “Redefining the Stereotype.” People can submit questions about birth mothers and adoption, and Hayley and Ashley will answer them candidly from their perspectives.

Who better to dispel the myths about birth mothers and educate the community about adoption than two women who have experienced the adoption process? In their first chat, they answered the question, “Why did you give up your child for adoption? Is it because you don’t WANT the child?” In this video, Ashley and Hayley addressed an all too prevalent birth mother stereotype: birth mothers don’t want their children. Both Hayley and Ashley explained that’s usually not the case, and briefly touched on their reasoning for making adoption plans.

Check out Hayley and Ashley’s video:

This is just the first video and we’re looking forward to more!

What questions do you hope Hayley and Ashley answer in the future? 

Letter Of Adoption

We wanted to share this beautiful poem by Jerri42 with our readers. Happy Friday!

Creative Sparks

Letter Of Adoption

Letter of Adoption

The day I heard about you,
I was so very scared
No matter what I was feeling.
I knew the news……..it must be shared.

Shaking and Trembling!
The news I blurted out.
My parents were so angry.
With hurtful words they did lash out.

I was just a kid myself.
I was extremely young.
How could I care for you,
when my own life had just begun.

As you grew inside me
and I’d feel you move around.
I love you more and more each day
and forever we would be bound.

I longed to hold you close to me,
feel the gentleness of your touch.
I knew I had to give you away,
as I love you oh so much.

Then the day it came!
My angel would be born.
I had just one small hug,
then from my arms you were torn.

Do not think…

View original post 98 more words

Planning for the Birth of Your Baby With Catholic Health

CHS logo

Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be an overwhelming and challenging experience. At Catholic Health, our maternity hospitals, Mercy Hospital of Buffalo and Sisters of Charity Hospital, are sensitive to the needs of women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. We can tailor your hospital visit so that you are as comfortable as possible.

“We can make it exactly what you need,” said Mary Ann Murphy, Director of Maternal Child Services at Mercy Hospital of Buffalo.

Make a Plan for Adoption

If you are considering adoption, it is best to make arrangements in advance, by working with an adoption agency such as Baker Victory Services. Baker Victory Services will work with you to make an adoption plan that’s right for you and your baby. Whether it’s an open, semi-open or closed adoption plan, you’ll be able to decide the level of contact you’d like to have with the adoptive family and your child now and in the future.

“I like to be sure that the birth mother has received as much counseling as possible,” said Murphy. “With their emotional status at the time of the delivery and the hormonal changes taking place, it’s not the best time to make really important decisions.”

Of moms who make arrangements with adoption agencies, Murphy said, “They know what they want and how they want it to go. We can honor their wishes if we know what they are ahead of time.”

If you have not engaged an adoption agency in advance, a social worker at the hospital will talk to you about your options.

Tour the Hospital

If you intend to deliver at Mercy Hospital of Buffalo or Sisters of Charity Hospital, you can prepare for the birth of your baby by taking a childbirth class and tour of the maternity floor. These classes cover relaxation and breathing techniques and teach you what to expect throughout your pregnancy.

Classes take place in a group setting, but private classes and tours are available. Before your private tour, hospital staff will be notified of the upcoming adoption so that they can be responsive to your needs.

Click here for more information about childbirth classes and tours.

Make Your Wishes Known

Hospital staff will honor your preferences regarding virtually every aspect of the birth:

  • who is present at the birth
  • who supports you during labor
  • if the adoptive family is present at the birth and in the hospital
  • if you receive visitors

“It is an individual decision, and there is no right or wrong way to do it,” said Murphy.

Some birth mothers choose to have time alone with the baby to take photos, make memories and prepare to place him or her.

Others have the adoptive families present in the delivery room or at the hospital from the moment of birth. Birth mothers may have a handing-over ceremony in the hospital room, where they might read a poem or say a few words about their wishes for the child.

And others choose not to see the baby. In this case, after delivery, the infant is moved to a warmer outside of the delivery room. During recovery, the birth mother will likely stay in one of two private rooms, where she is still cared for by nurses who are compassionate to her situation and know what she needs physically and emotionally.

Whatever you choose, the hospital staff will accommodate you in any way they can. “The nursing staff and physicians do everything possible to empower the birth mother. We honor the birth mother’s preferences for everything,” said Murphy.

The staff at Mercy Hospital and Sisters of Charity Hospital will be with you throughout your stay to offer support and encouragement.

If you have any questions about your upcoming delivery, please visit the Catholic Health website to email our maternity staff.

Pregnancy Perk – Smoothies

From Women's Health

From Women’s Health

Giving you and your baby exactly what you both need to stay healthy is important. But thinking about all the nutrients required for such an important job can be overwhelming. Why not blend them together into a delicious (and nutritious!) on-the-go smoothie?

This recipe from Women’s Health is our favorite. Known as “The Baby Protector,” this scrumptious smoothie includes orange juice to reduce the risk of birth defects, prune juice to help your blood carry oxygen to the baby, and calcium to help prevent bone loss.

3 Tbsp. frozen orange juice concentrate
1 c. frozen blackberries
2 c. peeled, cubed kiwis
2 apricots, skin optional
1/2 c. skim milk powder
1 c. prune juice, frozen in ice cube trays (or 1/2 c. prune juice and 1 c. ice cubes)

Blend together, and enjoy!

Are you a smoothie drinker? What’s your favorite combination?